


Foot, Meet Mouth

by hyesoh



Category: Deadpool (Comics), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb)
Genre: M/M, Superfamily (Marvel), Wade talks a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 08:45:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5410442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyesoh/pseuds/hyesoh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter introduces Wade to Uncle Ben. Sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Foot, Meet Mouth

“Not to ruin the mood or anything, but are we really going to have a date in a cemetery?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Yes, Wade. Because I often fantasize about getting it on with you where dead people can watch.”

Wade actually paused from walking. “Well, technically speaking, dead people are everywhere, Petey. And I hate to break it to you, but your boyfriend dies all the time, he and Charon are BFFs with matching friendship bracelets.”

“And here I thought you were having a threesome with Hades and Persephone.”

“Nah, Hades is a jealous bastard. Zeus though.”

Peter snorted, before something caught his attention. “Oh. We’re here.” He looked at Wade. “I seriously need you to behave now.”

There really was a come-on line on the tip of his tongue, but all that came out was, “Uh.”

However, Peter wasn’t looking at him anymore. Instead, he was looking straight at the headstone in front of them, which says:

 

BEN PARKER

BELOVED HUSBAND AND UNCLE

 

“Oh, fu--flying saucers delivering pizza,” Wade said, because of course he has to make a non-swearing first impression, never mind that he probably had a no-sense-at-all first impression. It was the flying saucers or the flying rats' asses.

Peter’s lips twitched, but otherwise his expression was solemn. “Hey, Uncle Ben,” he said. “I want you to meet my boyfriend, Wade Wilson.” He looked expectantly at Wade.

Wade kinda wanna punch Peter in his pseudo-innocent face, but that would be bad if his Uncle Ben was still hanging around, so. “Uh, yeah. Uh, hey, sir. Um. I’m sorry I’m not very impressive right now. It’s not really my fault. I mean, normally people tell their boyfriends or girlfriends that they’re going to be meeting the family and give them a week to freak out, right? Well, your nephew just ambushed me here. Though, to be honest, he also ambushed me when I met your wife. Lovely woman. Excellent cook. Her chimichangas--” Peter elbowed him. “--made Peter very jealous because I loved them so much. And, really, Peter should know better than to let me talk without a time limit since I’m known as the merc with a mouth--it’s not perverted or anything. I just talk people to death. But since you’re already dead, I figured you wouldn’t mind.”

Peter face-palmed.

“I think that’s Peter telling me to wrap up. And I will. Before he decides to web my mouth. Again, it’s not perverted. He’s Spiderman, do you know that? Well, uh, yeah. Sorry if he didn’t tell you, but hey. Now you know.” Wade paused and took the hand Peter wasn’t using to hide his face from his uncle’s headstone.

“Another thing you should know,” Wade said, and this time it was with the same serious tone he used when he talked to Aunt May when she interrogated him. “is that I love your nephew. My backstory is so complicated that I probably gave my writers permanent migraine, but my intention for him is simple. I plan to be with him every step of the way, even when he’ll inevitably become cranky and bully me to do chores--” Peter elbowed him again, but softer this time, given that they’re still holding hands. “--and I promise to always put his safety above mine. I know it probably doesn’t mean much coming from someone who dies pretty often, but if I could help it, no one would ever hurt a single hair on your nephew’s head. Not his crazy villains named after zoo animals, and not sentient evil shampoo which Doom might make sooner or later because he’s bored.” He then turn to Peter, who was wiping a tear away. “Petey? Are you okay? Are you crying because it’s awful? Do I need to do it again or--”

“Shut up, you stupid fucking dick,” was all he got before Peter leaned up to kiss him. Very enthusiastically. Very borderline-porn enthusiastically. Wade pried him gently away, aware they were still in front of Uncle Ben’s headstone. “It was perfect. You’re perfect.”

“Meh,” Wade said, but he was grinning. “So? Do you think I passed? Also, you cursed pretty darn hard! I might have to tell your Pop about that.”

Peter laughed weakly before kissing him on the cheek. “I think Uncle Ben might have hit you in the head with a garden shovel a couple of times for some of the things you said, but otherwise, I think he’s okay with you.”

Wade shrugged. “Well, alright. I guess we’ll know if he disapproves of me if a lightning bolt suddenly struck me dead. Then again, it might be Zeus’s way of telling me--”

“I really don’t want to hear about it.”

“What about getting Mexican and hanging out at Aunt May’s? I suddenly missed watching evening soap operas with her. Do you think Facundo is your Dad’s inspiration for JARVIS? I think I’m gonna ask when I see him again.”

“Wade, no.”

“Wade, yes!”

Benjamin Parker watched his nephew and his incredibly scarred (and strangely amusing) boyfriend walk away with a smile on his face, ignoring how the more open-minded of his neighbors cooed over the two while the more close-minded ones grumbled and floated away. He had no doubt that Wade was sincere, and that Peter would be very happy with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Facundo (Nicandro) is a character from the Mexican telenovela, Marimar. He is (according to the meme) Senora Santibanez's servant who she tasks to do crazy, diva stuff like buying a mall because she wants to go shopping, or installing a country-sized air-conditioning unit that would affect the entire country's temperature so she wouldn't feel the heat when she goes out.


End file.
